storm?

I don't know where or how to start this blog, so let me just skip the intro and get right into it. What I thought was, isn't. Once again, I thought something was there and maybe there was, but when it comes down to it, there's nothing. I really thought this time was different. Everything was going good, but I had to ask. Yes I had to ask.

I wanted to know what was in the other side of this, where were we headed? what was I in this for? I know, maybe he felt pressured, blah blah blah, but all I wanted to know was if in the long run he was going to tell me, "you're a great friend Johanna, glad I met you"....or if we were in this for something else other than a friendship. So what happened? He said he needed to ask God for wisdom to respond to my question.

WTC!

So its been over a week and now I haven't heard from him. Guess I have my answer. But, why not just tell me that he just sees me as a friend or whatever, why not do this last week? why not tell me there and then. He wrote about how he's been wrong in the past, and how he didn't want to help God, that he wanted to wait on God to make the decision of who "the one" for him is. That why tell me, "yes Johanna you're the one" and get his hopes up and then nothing. Which I get, but why not just tell me "I just want to be friends"??????? He just left me hanging in a way. UGHHHHHH. Then you ask why I'm still single, because of these boys! Grow up! Take initiative, take charge, make decisions, take risks.

so here I am, again. ughhh. Lord, give me peace. Maybe this isn't a storm in any sense, but it is something that's shaking my heart, moving my emotions. I need peace. I need to praise you in this storm father, and I will. You fulfill my heart Lord, and allow my actions to reflect that. I don't want to be boastful, no Lord...I need you, I alone can't do this. You've brought me this far father, that's how I have to see it. Its been a journey, but I'm closer aren't i?

thanks for the time though "guy"....I laughed.