slowly

its been forever since i came in here. to be honest, i've wanted to write in here but either out of fear of what i might write, i don't. don't get me wrong, i've been doing well considering mr. got married and we didn't speak ever again since that very last time in march. move on. other than that though, i've been good but (yes there's a but) that feeling hasn't gone away. the feeling of loss, the sadness, the questions, the unknowing. and see, even now as i write this my eyes start burning and they get a little watery. But i don't want to cry! why should i cry? but this feeling lingers on.

I was reading right now how we need to renew our mind and spirit to the likeness of christ. as i read that, i cherished that very thing. to be able to just be renewed and everything that's happend to just wash away. and i know it can happen, i'm just being an idiot right now.

i have the answers right in front of me, yet i am allowing this self-pity. for what? why would i want to feel this way? i don't! so i'll get there, I'll get to the place i know i'm supposed to be. I'll get there....