Towards my life

Its been a good week...I've been busy at work. So busy that I don't know what I'm doing "online" at this moment. Have I mentioned how blessed I am with work? God is good. I'll write about this later...but "Lord, thank you for G&G"... :P So, I've been writing lately...mainly about how I've been feeling. Ok, if you don't know how I've been feeling you can read "fading away" and "I'm not broken" hehe....trust me, those two blogs will give you a good idea of what I've been really going through. But God is so good you know that?. OH, i'm not saying that Pfffff, everything is better...no, but by talking to some family members right now, and getting an email here on myspace today from one of the leaders of the youth group I translated for last year...helped. I was reminded and maybe not so much reminded, but reaffirmed of what makes me come alive. So, instead of having my lil pitty party, day by day...I'll change my world....I'll be the voice and I'll be those feet needed to go. Maybe for now I won't go far, but I'll change my world, the one I live in everyday. So Invisible Children screening will take place. Give me couple of months to get things organized. Mexico, you won't go unheard either. I saw something last year there. A place that to many "its fine, they have all the help they need"....oh but they didn't. Not just physically, but spiritually they needed more that what they had. Again, I'm not saying "wow, I'm all better...." like I wrote in one of my previous blogs, we're human...and we also need to go through our ups and downs....BUT pressing forward, toward our calling.

Entering the new country

You have an idea of what the new country looks like. Still, you are very much at home, although not truly at peace, in the old country. You know the ways of the old country, its joys and pains, its happy and sad moments. You have spent most of your days there. Even though you know that you have not found there what your heart most desires, you remain quite attached to it. It has become part of your very bones.

Now you have come to realize that you must leave it and enter the new country, where your Beloved dwells. You know that what helped and guided you in the old country no longer works, but what else do you have to go by? You are being asked to trust that you will find what you need in the new country. That requires the death of what has been so precious to you: influence, success, yes, even affection and praise.

Trust is so hard, since you have nothing to fall back on. Still, trust is what is essential. The new country is where you are called to go, and the only way to go there is naked and vulnerable.

It seems that you keep crossing and re-crossing the border. For a while you experience a real joy in the new country. But then you feel afraid and start longing again for all you left behind, so you go back to the old country. To your dismay, you discover that the old country has lost its charm. Risk a few more steps into the new country, trusting that each time you enter it, you will feel more comfortable and be able to stay longer.

~Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love

thanks to those unexpected people that touch my life with their word, or in this case with what they write. Moon, thanks for this post.

I'm not broken!

you think I'm broken????? HA! think again, I'm not. Yes, there are moments when one might get discouraged. Yes there are moments when you don't know heck what you're doing or are supposed to be doing. Yes there are moments you just wish everybody would just go away! but that my friend is called being human, having emotions, having feelings. Yes I'm a bit in doubt of my life right now, that does not mean I'm doing terrible does it? NO! It means that I'm not going to fake a smile. I'm not going to tell you that everything is just GREAT, and I'm not going to make up stories or change what I'm doing just to make YOU "happy" for me. NOOOO, this is my life. If I need to be down, if I need some time off, LET ME HAVE MY TIME OFF! don't judge me! There are some things that regardless of your situation they don't change. And that's faith. Faith keeps you going, faith keeps you walking forward toward the unknown at times, but giving you the assurance that you will get to a destination. And my faith will not be moved. So please, don't be a phony to me. Don't be fake. YOU ARE ALSO HUMAN. You are NORMAL. You go through ups and downs, and its OKAY for you to show them sometimes. Gosh. Seriously! Let God do what He is doing. Do not judge, don't criticize....keep your two-cents. so if you're thinking you're better than me, because you're out there "doing-it", brother....this life is so much more than just that. It is our daily lifes, our daily experiences that make us stronger, make us who God has destined us to be. And in that process, people around will see where you were and where you're heading. They will see that you were just like them. And you pressed on, and you continued going....so do not judge me, because my life right now is touching someones life. And those lifes, will always be worth-while and precious to God.

Fading Away

Do you have a passion? if so you might understand me. For a long time I've known what my passion is, I've known what my hearts desire was. It was worship. Leading people into the presence of the most high God. Knowing that it wasn't just acts of worship but an experience in his very presence. And that experience changing who you were. That was what made me most joyous, most peaceful....and I can write today and tell you, I feel I'm loosing it. But how can I loose something that I held so dear? I'm trying to understand that myself. I know some would say that it wasn't passion then, but IT IS. I think back, just couple months ago, it still shook the very essence of my being. But I've allowed my surroundings to influence me. I've let myself fade away. Don't judge me, you don't know me. This hurts me in a way I will never show you. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Nothing around me contents me. I know that God is there waiting for me. And I question myself. I question what I've become. I'm not a bad person, I'm not out partying either, don't get the wrong idea. I'm not doing anything "wrong" per say. I'm just not doing anything. So keep me in your prayers please. If you still pray. Why are we going to lie. So if you've been in a similar situation....don't fade away. I know you're not truly content where you are, you know there is more, you've seen more, you've waited for more.