A new journey begins...

I haven't come in here to post lately and trust me there is so much to say. My life, my journey has taken a different course. Someone has won over my heart. And as much as this was hard for me to admit and realize, I wanted him in my life. And now he is. He has surprised me, he loves me, he really loves me. That's another blog, but for now I wanted to come in here and write about what I'm feeling today.

We're telling my parents tonight and that has me freaked out. I'm having flashbacks of my early years. Of the parents I used to have. I remember how they treated Ruben, even if they don't admit it, they really did hurt him. And I hurt him for going along at times. I've been thinking of that and getting scared. Its been years since Ruben, but after Ruben I never brought them to my parents. I was in Texas or they were in other states. My parents had a huge hold on me back then. Whatever they said shaped what I did, decisions I made. I'm my own woman now, but a part of me is scared that after tonight I'll get those old parents again.

I'm just nervous right? this is normal?

I feel like a teenager again, I feel like my parents are going to make me feel like a teenager again. And I'll hear those words from their mouths again 'no lo quieres, te gusta'.... I don't want him to get hurt by my parents. I don't want them to hurt him. I don't want them to make him feel bad or in any way not 'worthy' of my love.

I pray they are open hearted and open minded. They wanted their daughter to be loved and respected. Sorry the others have not cut it. The others have hurt their daughter, now comes along someone so unexpected but that loves me with all that he has. Who wants to be with me for ever. I can be honest and say I'm not there yet, but knowing that he already feels that for me....what more can a parent want?

Yes there are many factors to consider, I know, I've thought of them. But let us face those factors, let this be our decision and ours alone. I don't want them to influence my decisions like they did so many times before. So I guess this is for me? For me to realize who I am now and who I want to be and who I want to share my life with.

This is my new journey.