I'm wondering if I'm the one that does this. you should have seen me today...well inside of me, this whole past week was an emotional roller coaster, does he like me does he not like me, he does like me. And all along I've rejected the idea, all along I've told myself that i could not go down that road. But this week, I think because he confirmed that something was wrong, that he intentionally had been doing this, I think that's what clicked something in me.
Do I like him? I don't know. And I think my I don't know is a yes I'm starting to. oh this is bad. I'm not supposed to like him. Or like many times, do I like the idea of having someone right now? Its been almost a year, wow, since the whole idiot incident. Funny how i don't mention names in here. haha. and seriously, seriously I had not seen this guy under this light. he was a friend, yes, but I didn't see him as anything more.
I'm acting like a girl. I do this all the time I think that's why I don't like this idea. I'm thinking too much about him. I'm such a dork. I want to be around him, I want to talk to him, I want to laugh with him....ahhhh again, dork. Now the question is, what will I do? Let everything take its course. Just sit back and wait, or let him know that I'm actually, wow I'm actually considering this. He has no clue. No clue whatsoever.
Oh my gosh, I'm a dork. Am I really really thinking about this? buahhhh! I'll get back and let you know what course this took.
I'm a dork, I know it
Friend = Family .... hurt.
are we ever too busy for a friend? I'm sorry I must have a completely different mentality of what a true friend is, because I've grown up that way. To me a friend is everything, a friend is family. And when you call yourself my family, when you get tantrums about silly things I do or say because you feel you have the right to because you're my friend, guess what? I accept it, because I too call you friend. I too know that I can have tantrums about you.
so when this friend is in need of you, or hearing you, or just talking to you...and you wait weeks to call back, and just to say "you can call me back when you get this message, i'll be available for the next 20 to 30 minutes" I'm sorry but that's not okay.
what is it that I've done? what the heck have I done?
I surrounded myself with people I called family, because we were going to be there for one another for the rest of our lives. Its sort of like marriage, through sickness and in health, through better or worse. Well friends thank you for giving me a reality check.
I compared others to you, I compared friendships and would rave about how great you were and what you meant to me. Some even got hurt because they didn't feel I allowed them in as much as I did to you. Well this is my payback, I'm left alone. hahahahah, thank you.
are you dead to me, of you're not. but you've hurt me friend and well, that's what family does to. so moving on.
new
In trying to avoid feelings, I'm here now thinking of someone unexpected, wondering what can be.
Barcelona - Family Trip!
So I finally made it back to Barcelona....but this time...with the whole family! What can I say, it was a different trip than the prior trips to Barcelona. This time around, a family member was always there.
I love this city and I was so happy to be back. It had been four months of waiting for this return. check out some of the pictures from the trip:
