here we go

My friend just called. I feel bad, but I did make it sound like I didn't want to talk. So he said he would just call me later then.

I feel bad. I was scared. Scared of knowing that if I spoke to him right now, some of the things I wrote in here would come out. I don't think I'm ready for that.

And I feel bad for cutting him off. I hate making someone I care for feel like this. I don't like making people feel unwanted, unappreciated. When you're in my life, hopefully if my close friends are reading this. I try and make you as comfortable and welcome as possible...I like people feeling like "family".

I wish I could be honest with him and tell him what I've been feeling, but there is no point to that. We are just friends. Why am I making this so complicated????

Moments like this, I do wish I was back in Dallas. Back there, I was surrounded with my girlfriends and my guy friends. Anything going on, we would be there for each other. And if it was one of us doing this crap, then we would just talk about how to get over it.

Great, now I want to talk to him. But its late, we'll talk when we talk. somebody please save me!!! man!