Beginding

he came back into my life. Last night when i heard his voice on my voicemail, I had so many mixed emotions. I was happy and relieved. Happy to hear his voice again, to hear my name come out of his mouth. Happy to know that he thought of me. And relieved because this was something I had waited for, something that I thought would not come. The day I had only hoped for had arrived.

He moved on and made a decision, and for the past eight months I had tried to move on. I have tried to feel again. I have tried to put on a smile and say that I was over it.

I missed you. And I know I shouldn't, I know you don't deserve the tears coming out of me right now, but here they are. I missed you. And i know there is no way for us to be together anymore, I know this and it hurts, but knowing that their is remorse on your part, that you feel bad, that you have regrets, that helps a little bit.

I so wish you would've tried reaching out to me months ago, eight months ago would've been great. Something different might have been. And so without knowing what it is you have to say, let me write these words. I missed you. And you meant so much more to me than I was ever able to tell you.

Now I just ask God to give me strength. I need strength to get through this one more time. Because I thought you would never be in my life again. I thought I would never hear you say my name. And now you've stirred everything all over again. I'm sorry you're not happy. I'm sorry life is not turning out the way you had hoped. I wish I could say that I would be there for you until the end, but you wrote out our ending eight months ago. Now its time to live a new beginning.

I've missed you and I will always miss you.