On this day, being Thanksgiving day, I want to say "thank you" Lord. Thank you tremendously for this year. It has been filled with so many new and amazing experiences. You're faithfullness astonishes me, you never change father, thank you!
I'm so bad at maintaining this blog, really I realize this because there is so much that is happening in my life, yet its not being documented. So many things have happened. I'm in a new stage of my life and feel that as time progresses I'm learning more and more of who I am as a person, but as a companion.
My time with Miqueas has been good, there have been challenging moments. But in those moments, good or bad, we're discovering ourselves. We're discovering who we are and what we want to become.
A little kept secret is that one day I wanted to receive flowers from a loved one to my work. Well, Friday morning Miqueas texted me asking where I was. I texted him back reminding him that at work, where else? ha. He then texted back saying he was lost, that he was in the building, if I could go downstairs by the elevators. What? he's in the building?
I go downstairs, and as soon as the elevator doors opened, I looked to the side, and there he was. Sitting there with a bouquet of roses in his hands. As I automatically smile I go towards him and give him a huge hug. He gives me the flowers and letter which he had in an envelope inside the bouquet.
I kept hugging and kissing him and thanked him. He brought me flowers! as the minutes passed, finally we let go of one another and again I thanked him. He loves me. I love him.
I love birthdays! It was Mik's bday and even thought he couldn't make up his mind to what he wanted to do, we ended up having a very very cool day. We started off having breakfast at Mimi's, then off we were to OB. We spent couple hours at the beach just laying down in the sand, walking along the ocean, talking and eating cherries! - then we went to La Jolla cove to just chill while traffic calmed down. We found a perfect spot in the grass and had a lil' picnic like time.
Its been a changing time for me lately. Mik and I have gone through ups and downs, but amist of it all, we choose to stick by each others sides and to support one another. A picture shows you one thing, but it holds so many stories.
It has been couple months and I wish I had a better reason for not coming in here, but I don't. I've been busy, busy hanging out with my boyfriend! I still like the sound of that.
Its been two and a half months now since Miqueas and I have been going out, and its been great. I'm sitting here tying this with a smile on my face. I'm loving this new phase of our lives, and loving how we're both getting to know each other. He really is someone I didn't expect, but now I don't want to live my life without him in it.
He's become my best friend and the person I want to share everything with. I love him and I excited for our lives together. Now its just time to be faithful, faithful to God and to who we are. Lord, be with us and guide us during this courtship. Thank you for loving me so much father. You've taken care of me every single step of the way.
I'm thankful for these last 2 weeks. I've experienced God's favor and love over my life. I'm thankful for bringing Miqueas into my life. He really did come in an unexpected time. He's become my best friend and the man I love. This journey has just begun. 143.
I'm in complete awe of what has happened tonight. My parents gave their blessing and they told us they approve and like the idea. After both him and my dad spoke, they welcomed him into the family and showed love to him. Then after talking again, at the end my parents prayed for us and blessed this relationship. This is all new to me, I'm in awe of what God has done in our lives. I don't think many people get to live what I just lived. Thank you Lord. wow, thank you.
I haven't come in here to post lately and trust me there is so much to say. My life, my journey has taken a different course. Someone has won over my heart. And as much as this was hard for me to admit and realize, I wanted him in my life. And now he is. He has surprised me, he loves me, he really loves me. That's another blog, but for now I wanted to come in here and write about what I'm feeling today.
We're telling my parents tonight and that has me freaked out. I'm having flashbacks of my early years. Of the parents I used to have. I remember how they treated Ruben, even if they don't admit it, they really did hurt him. And I hurt him for going along at times. I've been thinking of that and getting scared. Its been years since Ruben, but after Ruben I never brought them to my parents. I was in Texas or they were in other states. My parents had a huge hold on me back then. Whatever they said shaped what I did, decisions I made. I'm my own woman now, but a part of me is scared that after tonight I'll get those old parents again.
I'm just nervous right? this is normal?
I feel like a teenager again, I feel like my parents are going to make me feel like a teenager again. And I'll hear those words from their mouths again 'no lo quieres, te gusta'.... I don't want him to get hurt by my parents. I don't want them to hurt him. I don't want them to make him feel bad or in any way not 'worthy' of my love.
I pray they are open hearted and open minded. They wanted their daughter to be loved and respected. Sorry the others have not cut it. The others have hurt their daughter, now comes along someone so unexpected but that loves me with all that he has. Who wants to be with me for ever. I can be honest and say I'm not there yet, but knowing that he already feels that for me....what more can a parent want?
Yes there are many factors to consider, I know, I've thought of them. But let us face those factors, let this be our decision and ours alone. I don't want them to influence my decisions like they did so many times before. So I guess this is for me? For me to realize who I am now and who I want to be and who I want to share my life with.
This is my new journey.
I'm wondering if I'm the one that does this. you should have seen me today...well inside of me, this whole past week was an emotional roller coaster, does he like me does he not like me, he does like me. And all along I've rejected the idea, all along I've told myself that i could not go down that road. But this week, I think because he confirmed that something was wrong, that he intentionally had been doing this, I think that's what clicked something in me.
Do I like him? I don't know. And I think my I don't know is a yes I'm starting to. oh this is bad. I'm not supposed to like him. Or like many times, do I like the idea of having someone right now? Its been almost a year, wow, since the whole idiot incident. Funny how i don't mention names in here. haha. and seriously, seriously I had not seen this guy under this light. he was a friend, yes, but I didn't see him as anything more.
I'm acting like a girl. I do this all the time I think that's why I don't like this idea. I'm thinking too much about him. I'm such a dork. I want to be around him, I want to talk to him, I want to laugh with him....ahhhh again, dork. Now the question is, what will I do? Let everything take its course. Just sit back and wait, or let him know that I'm actually, wow I'm actually considering this. He has no clue. No clue whatsoever.
Oh my gosh, I'm a dork. Am I really really thinking about this? buahhhh! I'll get back and let you know what course this took.
are we ever too busy for a friend? I'm sorry I must have a completely different mentality of what a true friend is, because I've grown up that way. To me a friend is everything, a friend is family. And when you call yourself my family, when you get tantrums about silly things I do or say because you feel you have the right to because you're my friend, guess what? I accept it, because I too call you friend. I too know that I can have tantrums about you.
so when this friend is in need of you, or hearing you, or just talking to you...and you wait weeks to call back, and just to say "you can call me back when you get this message, i'll be available for the next 20 to 30 minutes" I'm sorry but that's not okay.
what is it that I've done? what the heck have I done?
I surrounded myself with people I called family, because we were going to be there for one another for the rest of our lives. Its sort of like marriage, through sickness and in health, through better or worse. Well friends thank you for giving me a reality check.
I compared others to you, I compared friendships and would rave about how great you were and what you meant to me. Some even got hurt because they didn't feel I allowed them in as much as I did to you. Well this is my payback, I'm left alone. hahahahah, thank you.
are you dead to me, of you're not. but you've hurt me friend and well, that's what family does to. so moving on.
In trying to avoid feelings, I'm here now thinking of someone unexpected, wondering what can be.
So I finally made it back to Barcelona....but this time...with the whole family! What can I say, it was a different trip than the prior trips to Barcelona. This time around, a family member was always there.
I love this city and I was so happy to be back. It had been four months of waiting for this return. check out some of the pictures from the trip:
